Last week I shared how I ventured into the nagging feeling and taken a good look at my life. How I’d dared to reimagine it and create a new, bold future for myself. But then once I had a clear vision a funny thing happened. Resistance set in. Resistance from others and also from myself. Living my dream suddenly became hard to navigate. But like everything in the personal growth space, I had to work through it. So if you’re feeling something similar, here’s how I’ve overcome resistance in order to live my dream life.
Overcoming Others Resistance
What you think of me is none of my business
Where we realise it or not, we are socialised to seek approval from others. Accepting the idea that what others think of me isn’t my business has been fundamental to me being able to venture out in a new direction.
Because we’re all entitled to our own opinions and to live life how we want to. And if others don’t like/agree/approve of what I’m doing – that’s their business, not mine. After all, you do you and I’ll do me.
Being willing to break up
It’s one thing to not understand or approve of my life vision and it’s another thing not to support me.
This has undoubtedly been the hardest resistance to overcome – accepting that by living my life unapologetically, not everyone will come the journey with me.
This requires faith that the people I have in my life love me for who I truly am, not just who I was in the past. It assumes that they are not attached to the labels or image of me but instead for the person that lies deep inside.
And it requires me to accept that if they aren’t okay with the person I am right now and the person I am growing into, then it’s okay for us to part ways.
Because in order for me to be the best wife/mother/daughter/friend/coach/manager, I need to true to who I am, without apology and without sugar-coating it or playing small for other’s sake.
This is a hard truth but I know it is a necessary reality that not all my relationships will make it. And after grieving the idea, I’m now accepting of it, as I know I’ve been true to myself and I know that I treat others in my life the way I want to be treated.
Managing My Own Resistance
After decades of working hard to get to where I was, the thought of starting from scratch terrified me.
That was until I broke it down.
After all, much of my experience was still relevant and useful in my new career as a coach, it was just useful in a different way. Instead of being the subject matter expert, I was now able to apply my own experience in the corporate world to that the lives and experiences of my clients.
Plus my business acumen and project management skills have been critical for me being able to build a strong, sustainable small business.
But perhaps most importantly I realised that everything that has led me to this point in my life was necessary for me to realise what I do and don’t want.
With that slight reframe, all my experience felt relevant and necessary to living the life I dream of.
I’m not ready
I felt huge resistance to redefining myself publicly until I was ‘ready’. In my mind that meant having an established business and well generally my sh*t together in every area of my life.
But of course, life doesn’t happen that way.
We are never ready and we are never done.
So, as a recovering perfectionist, I vowed to take imperfect action.
I now allow myself to take chances and accept mistakes as part of the growth process. This requires vulnerability and courage but it also gives me the freedom to start, knowing I’ll be constantly improving.
Setting Myself Up for Success
Creating a financials safety net
I’m a planner by nature and in order to overcome my resistance, I needed to plan ahead.
For me, that’s meant continuing to work part-time so I have the financial security to establish my new career whilst still enjoying the lifestyle I want.
This safety net has been crucial to being able to create a business I love, not just one that pays the bills.
While I’ve had to be willing to let go of old relationships, I’ve also created wonderful new relationships.
By surrounding myself with people on a similar journey I’ve felt supported to step into the person I want to be. Plus I’ve been able to gain new knowledge, share ideas and grow without fear of judgement. It’s refreshing and exciting.
Being in integrity
Fundament to truly being myself has been the need for alignment and integrity in everything I do. That means constantly checking in with myself and answering these questions:
- I am acting in a true, authentic and honest way?
- Does this feel right? (Learning to connect and trust my body’s physical responses has been a game-changer for me)
- Does this action (or inaction) align with my dream life? And if not, how can I course-correct to get things back into alignment?
- Am I playing small? And if so, what is there resistance I need to deal with? What would I do if no one were judging me and I had unlimited resources?
These questions keep me in integrity with the person and life I want. They hold me accountable and challenge me to repeatedly overcome my resistance and keep showing up and being my best.
Do You Relate?
If this resonates with you, I want to invite you to be part of a new community of like-minded women, each on her own unique journey to happiness and contentment.
This new membership helps women who want something different in their lives get the clarity, confidence and strategies to unashamedly make it a reality.
Because we can all live our dream life if we have the courage, tools and support to go for it.
To find out more join the waitlist here. I can’t wait to connect with you!
“And it requires me to accept that if they aren’t okay with that person I am right now and the person I am growing into, then it’s okay for us to part way”
Your statement above is one that I am trying to embrace. Its ok to grow apart.
And LOVE – “what you think of me is none of my business” how freakin empowering
Michelle, I love that you’re forging your own path. And yep – growing apart is hard. But staying in relationships where you’re not showing up as the person you want to be is harder.